WAITER What can I get you two?
ALEX Two cappuccinos please.
WAITER Gotcha.
DAVE Alex! Tell me what comes next. 0, 3, 6, 9...
ALEX Well duh, 12, 15, 18...
DAVE Wrong!
ALEX What do you mean ‘wrong’? You were adding
by 3’s, so that’s what I did.
DAVE Ahhh, but I wasn’t ADDING, I was SCHMADDING.
ALEX What is schmadding?
DAVE Schmadding where you add by 3 until you get to
12 then you multiply by 2.
ALEX Ohhhhh-kay. 0, 3, 6, 9, 12, 24, 48, 96 …
DAVE Wrong!
ALEX What’s wrong now?
DAVE You’re squadding not schmadding.
ALEX Squadding? What’s the difference between
schmadding and squadding?
DAVE Squadding is schmadding until you reach 48
and then pat your head three times, and add 2.
ALEX Do you have any idea what rule it
is you are trying to teach me?
DAVE Yeah! Well, up to a point.
ALEX What do you mean?
DAVE So I know what counts as schmadding and what doesn’t up to the largest number I can think of,
but after that, who knows?
ALEX Are you just making this up?
DAVE No! I have been trained by the finest schmadders there are.
ALEX So, can they be more definite about what schmadding is?
DAVE No one can! Even experts reach a point beyond
which even they can't be sure which rule it is they are following.
ALEX But don’t you know how you would go on when you’ve reached that highest number?
Like reaching that highest number and adding 3?
DAVE No! Up until 12, I can’t tell if you are
adding or schmadding. Up until 48, I don't know if you are schmadding or squadding.
That's because the same evidence is compatible with multiple rules or theories.
ALEX Yikes! You can have your schmadding.
I'll stick with adding. At least I know what it is to add 3.
DAVE But that’s just it. When you say adding,
you are assuming that we are both talking about the same thing. But the only reason
to believe we both think “ADDING” means the same thing is that cases of adding match
the evidence - they follow the rule. There’s always going to be more than one rule consistent
with all the facts. So beyond a certain level, there’s no way of knowing if what you mean
by ADDING is what I mean by SCHMADDING. The rule is UNDERDETERMINED.
WAITER Voila! Your cappuccinos!
DAVE That will be $6 right -- $3 a piece.
WAITER Sorry, Sir. That’s what you would pay if
you were adding, but we’re a "spladding only" café. Spladding is where you add
up to 3, multiply by 15 and bang your head twice against the table.
DAVE $45 and banging my head?
WAITER That’s what you ought to PAY here.
ALEX No, no, no, Dave! Paying is what you do in
an ordinary café. But in a spladding café, you have to follow the rule of SPLAYING.
DAVE What’s splaying?
ALEX Splaying is paying what you would in an ordinary
café and then splitting.
WAITER Come on!